still awake (still longing)

and i am still longing for someone to share it all and alament over the probability that you miss it all, or most of it, no matter how many different ways i try to share it, point you to it, wishing and hoping for your attention... even as as i love every minute of it all by myself, there is the dream of someone staying awake with me and sharing it all...

and it could be that i am just deluding myself into believing my few minutes (or hours, sometimes) a day putting videos online in my own pop news blog (that amuses me with stories and information I find in the news or on youtube or somewhere, some tongue in cheek, some controversial, some serious, some irreverent) or in my more personal video me blog (where I put videos that touch me, reflect me, affect me, and in some ways, represent me)… and the time I take to write words in my current daily life blog which is what it is, a record of the life I live and it matters to me…

even if no one ever cares to share any of it…

and after i do all that, still more is here, in the afterblog, the tip of the rest of all i want to share in the real world... and all the rest of the writings are a fraction of what is offline, but still you miss the bullsugar and all the rest and even the deleted pages (which I will do my best to find and re-upload one day cuz I care, again, even if nobody else ever does), they matter, i come here hoping somebody will find it all and share it all someday…

what?

still alone

after the blogging's over
after the words are done
there's no dress to look up
no irreverent fun

after the babbling pauses
after the words are through
there's no zipper to pull down
no entendre to misconstrue

after the pickles are sucked dry
after the peaches are licked
there's no head left to play with
no small mind left to trick

life in the blogworld is fickle
funny and strange and weird too
and after the blogging is over
these words are left here for you

awakening

it's worse when you wake up to find there's no one listening to your mind and all the world is fast asleep and loneliness becomes too deep and for all the words upon the shelf you might as well just play with yourself...

antiblog

yes, i know, there is too much… perhaps it defeats the purpose of public blogging... too many different thoughts in most entries… too much information… most of the humor is drowned in the words… most of the detail is swamped by the plethora of, well, more detail… it's a self-defeating cycle for the child who babbles who wants conversation, who wants interaction, who wants receipt and reciprocation and acknowledgement and communication… this is why i should keep the entries to a single topic, a single paragraph, even, for anything beyond the first thought is often lost in the waves of distracting asides…

maybe