the party of living: so much more

the party of living: so much more is a wonderful life that so few ever have time to explore before they retire and most are way too tired or burnt out to explore after they retire, so enjoy it now while you can :)

i have no idea why that appeared here except that this was the last blog i wrote in before clicking on the "Take This Party Home" (create a link) link on the The Party of Living blog... and suddenly this post appeared here in this blog... some sort of party going on and we're all invited... too bad everybody's asleep, aye?...

what's going on?

here we sit so all alone, well, i sit, you sleep... unless you are awake and if you are awake, what's going on?... what are you doing?... are your hands too busy to type and tell me? (do i want to know what your hands are doing?... take a picture if you dare lol)... some nights i just want to play and i shall play with words and imaginary friends (or imaginary readers) when nobody stays awake with me (peter?... john?... james?... oh shaddup lol)... it is now, after the blogging is over (realatively speaking cuz it's never actually over until it's over, as lenny kravitz might have said, but each day, or sleep cycle at least, there is some sort of illusion of conclusion and then, here we are, so there), and i really really really want to know (oh oh), what's going on?...

here?... where?...

i want to share but no one's here so once again i write... i want to share, hey are you there?... i'm calling you tonight... i want to share, oh fudge, i want fudge too... would you share if i had fudge?... do you have fudge?... where?

after sad

often sad in the afterblog, perhaps, as i feel the longing to share more and no one stays awake with me (as that garden song place once again in the rivers of my mind, or should i say those garden songs and references, gibran, nelson, rice, at least), the truest nature of the afterblog may not show through as i do not come to express it nightly and in seldom visiting, the sadness may rise at those dispersed moments... but here, in the afterblog, i find i leave after sadness as i am happy within myself even if no one else every knows or gets it...

you're still welcome and wanted though :)

later

pistachio nuts, water, craig ferguson, still awake and wondering where you are, or where someone is, someone caring, sharing, daring, hearing, you know, someone still awake...

cuz after the blogging is over, i still want to share more than words :)

wired exhaustion

and i was exhausted a few hours ago when i returned from playing basketball after playing softball and having not eated today beyond sugar and protein water, but suddenly i was browsing facebook and watching videos and writing and reading and inspired to think and share and here we are, still wired, even as the body does not want to move...

where are you?

still awake (still longing)

and i am still longing for someone to share it all and alament over the probability that you miss it all, or most of it, no matter how many different ways i try to share it, point you to it, wishing and hoping for your attention... even as as i love every minute of it all by myself, there is the dream of someone staying awake with me and sharing it all...

and it could be that i am just deluding myself into believing my few minutes (or hours, sometimes) a day putting videos online in my own pop news blog (that amuses me with stories and information I find in the news or on youtube or somewhere, some tongue in cheek, some controversial, some serious, some irreverent) or in my more personal video me blog (where I put videos that touch me, reflect me, affect me, and in some ways, represent me)… and the time I take to write words in my current daily life blog which is what it is, a record of the life I live and it matters to me…

even if no one ever cares to share any of it…

and after i do all that, still more is here, in the afterblog, the tip of the rest of all i want to share in the real world... and all the rest of the writings are a fraction of what is offline, but still you miss the bullsugar and all the rest and even the deleted pages (which I will do my best to find and re-upload one day cuz I care, again, even if nobody else ever does), they matter, i come here hoping somebody will find it all and share it all someday…

what?

your loss

yeah, talking 'bout more words 'n stuff, yup, gotcha some more out there and you missed again, cuz, after all, you missed this one (duh, obviously, as if you cared {enough}, yo... truth, word. hey, right, like could've been mean, aye? :)

no seriously, your loss...

silly humans

the bestest most funnest fun happens after all the other blogs are done, here, in the afterblog, hidden from view (because words are not enough), you might find out (if you stay awake long enough :)

oh so bloatedly

yes, wouldn't it be loverly if someone came along to share the afterblog for all blogternity... instead, i sit here oh so bloatedly wasted on snacks and chocolate milk and fatigue and waiing for that oh so loberly sharing thing i want so much that i just keep dreaming of it over and over and over and agaun...

and you?...

loving it

the wonder of being, especially in the night... and while much of the time i wish for someone to share the moments, wishing or not for company, the moments are amazing and wonderful... if you only knew... you'd be amazed too :)

still alone

after the blogging's over
after the words are done
there's no dress to look up
no irreverent fun

after the babbling pauses
after the words are through
there's no zipper to pull down
no entendre to misconstrue

after the pickles are sucked dry
after the peaches are licked
there's no head left to play with
no small mind left to trick

life in the blogworld is fickle
funny and strange and weird too
and after the blogging is over
these words are left here for you

and then there's me

yeah, nobody but me, but in the end, after all the blogging is done, me is enough and that is why i continue blogging, writing, sharing with nobody and anybody... because i can, because i want to, because it makes me happy, because it keeps the dream alive, for me, because me is enough...

even though i want more :)

midnight questions

who am i talking to anyway?
imaginary readers?
potential friends in the physical world?
gonna run?
gonna hide?
gonna come out?
gonna come inside?
gonna let me in?
show me where you've been?
show me who you are?
now near, how far?
whatever, we are who, we are what, we are where
we are
we are
we are
we…
never mind the obvious child
wake me when we get to why...

hope and futility

after the hope fatigues, the futility laughs and claims the stage, but can we ever know which is real and which is illusion?

constant craving

and the previous post and so many (most, perhaps) suggest or even state clearly (as if i am ever truly clear amidst my babbling way) said, the craving for sharing, for intellectual, emotional, physical, and that undefinable ethereal stimulation is constant, insatiable, and expressed here once again as if we do not know already or somehow doubted it's constancy...perhaps it is the primary reason for the afterblog, this constant craving for more interaction, stimulation, input (ah, johnny five, i do understand... but do you?)...

why afterblog

i am still awake because i crave stimulation, intellectual and emotional stimulation most of all, which is why i am browsing the internet cuz if i just wanted physical stimulation i can always masturbate... perhaps there is a way to have it all... playfully, with full disclosure and informed consent, of course... see what happens when i get bored, poor thing, little did she expect to be immortalized in the afterblog... laughter is addictive though :)

musical fact

Fact: music is such an amazing experience... in the same moment i am longing to the point of aching to share the experience, i am in securely independent bliss simply experiencing the experience... anyone who has not been here has missed one of the most amazing magical experienced of life.

lonely night

there i was minding my own whatever, mostly content (even tickled) to be sleeping all night... but here i am, alone, lonely, realizing it is a saturday night and i passed up a twelve hour full day concert with many bands (did i do this last year as well?) and a party at a favorite meetup person's house (which is likely still going on) cuz sleeping was a much better idea for the body... all cuz the big green chair could not handle it's liquor and fell over backwards (with me in it), waking me from some golden slumbers...

and nobody was around to appreciate the moments (or panic, even) and take photos for posterity (and shits and giggles) and one more wonderfully mine saturday night live goes by unshared... sigh and alas and all, even the whippoorwills are sleeping... wish you were here... wish somebody was here... here in the afterblog, where the despair meets the excitement of hope and gives way to the sweet bliss of being in the precious place between sleep and awake where you roll over, cuddle, slide into unconsciousness (golden slumbers, ya know) and know the true meaning of unconditional love and trust...

still longing to be shared...