obviously lonely

while the hunger the share everything is constant somewhere deep inside so there is always some loneliness floating around like clouds, even when they are invisible, sometimes dark stormy clouds come and swamp me and i just sit sorta brooding wishing someone would come alone someone save my life tonight and all the lonely songs play in my mind cuz only the lonely know how it feels to be so lonesome i could die ya know?... but as harry wisely reminds me, everybody's lonely... that's what it's all about so i sigh and continue enjoying the moments of life even during these storms when there is not as much sharing as i want... i miss music... i miss hugs... i miss loving... cupid shrugs...

promise

after all the words are written, after all the blogs are closed, after all the people have gone to bed, cloased their eyes, fallen asleep, there is still one last promise left to keep...

that is why...

loving it

the wonder of being, especially in the night... and while much of the time i wish for someone to share the moments, wishing or not for company, the moments are amazing and wonderful... if you only knew... you'd be amazed too :)

and then there's me

yeah, nobody but me, but in the end, after all the blogging is done, me is enough and that is why i continue blogging, writing, sharing with nobody and anybody... because i can, because i want to, because it makes me happy, because it keeps the dream alive, for me, because me is enough...

even though i want more :)

no pity in reality

while is may seem pitiful that i am out here every day, every night, all the time connected to this commitment to share myself, life, observations, illusions, creative play, and everything and anything in words and no one actually shares, the words appear to fall on deaf ears, there is no pity in reality for i am true to myself, my ideals, my dreams, and my desires... this is the best i can do alone and that is a personal nirvana, a joy, a pleasure to experience... after all the blogging is done, keep the faith, i am :)

lonely night

there i was minding my own whatever, mostly content (even tickled) to be sleeping all night... but here i am, alone, lonely, realizing it is a saturday night and i passed up a twelve hour full day concert with many bands (did i do this last year as well?) and a party at a favorite meetup person's house (which is likely still going on) cuz sleeping was a much better idea for the body... all cuz the big green chair could not handle it's liquor and fell over backwards (with me in it), waking me from some golden slumbers...

and nobody was around to appreciate the moments (or panic, even) and take photos for posterity (and shits and giggles) and one more wonderfully mine saturday night live goes by unshared... sigh and alas and all, even the whippoorwills are sleeping... wish you were here... wish somebody was here... here in the afterblog, where the despair meets the excitement of hope and gives way to the sweet bliss of being in the precious place between sleep and awake where you roll over, cuddle, slide into unconsciousness (golden slumbers, ya know) and know the true meaning of unconditional love and trust...

still longing to be shared...

sometimes so empty

like the stage after all the people leave, like the party (or even the last supper) after everyone goes home or falls asleep, the afterblog is for the last few who stay awake, who hang out at the stage door, who can't get enough, like me, and sometimes, the afterblog seems for no one but me...

but it's here... to remind me that the show must go on and more, that when the show is over, there is still a life to share, even if that remains a dream for now... the afterblog remains for whomever cares, for whomever finds it, for the one, and for me...

for even when it seems only for me, when everyone is gone or sleeping and it feels so empty, it is still full of hope... this is the afterblog.

hope it doesn't scare you.

for the records

after blogging a dozen places, at least, i was occupying my mind with movie statistics cuz numbers and statistics are like comfort food for my mind while awaiting the next big sharing... hope you find comfort too...