this rediculousness

may belong elsewhere, in fact some certainly does, but the fact remains that here we are as dawn is passing through perception still awake and wondering wide-eyed with hope and futility for sharing that may never come alone in a crowd, for crying out loud, just hoping for understanding, just wishing for a friend who cares to be right here, still here, ridiculousness as it may appear...

more than 24 hours awake, a good ten hours of distraction at play with cards with friends after a good relaxing semi-working day and evening dinner moment with roommate best friend, a day that began well as well... yet as sleepy as i am, still, the longing to share more deeper, more intimacy, more honesty, more caring, more trust, more love, more now, remains... here in the afterblog and elsewhere...

waiting for the one... and for anyone who remains...

just me

for all the sad (pathetic) laments after the blogging is done (considering so much of the blogging is whining in the first place, but truly, it's better i get it out in words than in the physical sharings cuz who wants to be around a whiner, after all) this blog may be where the most truth comes out (or perhaps not, but seriously) or at least the vulnerability exposed by fatigue cuz, after all, this is the late night after everyone else is asleep blog, ya know?...

well, i wish you did :)

so sad

this blog can be so sad... just sitting here waiting for someone to share, for someone to care, for someone to be aware that i'm here, just sitting here waiting for someone to... appear... imagine if i returned every night and faced the loneliness underlying this blog, sheesh, what a depression this hole would become... and yet, in the fact that i survive between entries without losing grip on the desire, the hunger, or the optimism - therein is the beauty and wonder and excitement that comes from this occasional expression of frustration and hope that is the afterblog...

every night

i am here every night though i don't always write cuz sometimes (or maybe most) i believe nobody cares and maybe that is justified because there's no one by my side so why not give up the ghost on sharing when nobody shares la la la la la la la la la la la... don't be depressed, it's only lonely... you might even know someone who cares... don't be upset, it's only lonely... you might even be someone who shares... but here we are again after the blogging stops in the middle of the night when sleep's other shoe drops... and wishes do not wake anyone so i am here... every night... even when i don't appear to be... here... every night... only lonely...

to share

i wish someone was here to share
after the evening ends
i wish someone was here to share
just like true best friends
i wish someone was here to share
everything like i do
i wish someone was here to share
maybe it could be you

what i miss most

very near the top of the list, if not the top, is sharing... but maybe i meant when i miss sharing most and there are many times of the day or week or month or year and there are experiences during which i feeling the missing the sharing most (like after softball, for one, or during and after a favorite film, for another) and this is one of them... the night... the night is when i look at the phone and realize i don't know any night people any more...

what i miss most is someone who will always be there any time simply because they want to be that friend... and that means any time...

don't want to miss a thing

Every night i am all about the Aerosmith song Don't Want to Miss a Thing" with one thing missing...

there is no one around to watch breathing.

so i stay awake hoping she might show up...

with or without you

every night i lay down and sleep when i am tired enough and the words have flowed (though seldom enough) and there is time (though seldom enough) the dreams are closer to the surface (though seldom enough) and i sleep, with or without you, wishing you were here...

after the blogging is done, here...

not dead yet

more precisely, i am not done yet, not tonight, not in life, not anywhere or anytime... i have more to do, more to learn, more to give, more to share, more dreams to fulfill... and every day i fulfill the big one, enjoying life, and every day is better than the last because it is another day compiled on all the others... but here in the afterblog, i wait for the one who will share the dream that is sharing the love only two can share... that may be the ultimate reason for the afterblog, to be, after all the other blogs have rested and all the other readers have gone to sleep, a place for the last call for the shared dream...

later

pistachio nuts, water, craig ferguson, still awake and wondering where you are, or where someone is, someone caring, sharing, daring, hearing, you know, someone still awake...

cuz after the blogging is over, i still want to share more than words :)

maybe returning

so what shall i say that has not been say so many times before, or written as the case may be... so rhetorical is the question that the question mark is not even considered and mentioned here as an afterthought... afterthoughts in the afterblog, how appropriate and isn't that the point after all?... oh?...

telling secrets or stating the obvious, depending on perspective... and the few times anyone read the words here might shed some light on the purpose and principles involved, but then, the hope of returning to the sharing after the blogging may be returning, but the sharing remains just a thought in the mind... better than an afterthought, perhaps, and that is a smile after all...

anybody miss me? :)

nights in white passion

as the music returned, the passion blossomed, and the garden reawakened as if it had never been asleep... the magic sprayed everywhere from every source, from rocks and springs, from petals and perches, the bords and bees brought back the kaleidoscope of emotional power that give life meaning and humanity purpose (even if most sleep through it and call it dreaming)...

you really did have to be there :)

late night habits

lately i've been staying up late and eating after midnight and watching tv, though in the past two weeks i have not been staying up late enough to catch craig ferguson... i need to get a dvr cuz i want to watch his show and others more but the shows are on too late and anyway...

and still, lonely when i look around for someone real in life to share the life i live, late or early... days are so very busy... evenings too, when i want to go out... but nights, late night habits are still writing and rambling and dreaming of sharing...

and you? :)

fades into the past

it is pretty amazing how quickly the most magical moment of our lives fades into the past, sometimes not so pretty... and i wonder if that is because those moments are no longer shared, or not shared enough, or simply is it that they lose their energy...

i want to believe that it's the sharing, that if the moment is shared, it lasts... somehow i hope to find someone who shares like that :)

the long wait alone

that's the rub, after all, for all the brain produces in the words on the web here, there, and virtually everywhere, for whatever it's all worth, the long wait alone endures...

i hope you are loved tonight by someone outside of yourself...

pausing never ends

somewhere in the spring, june or july or thereabouts, i paused in the posting of words online and while i catch up every time (so far, at least), it brings up the irony of the title concept...

what else is there to do, after all, alone after the blog...

lost in the night

so much love, so much affection, so much trust, so many dreams, so much love, so much devotion, so much lust, so much it seems is lost in the night, left here for someone who may never find the song lost in the night...

lonesome songs

if i was in touch with my heart, that is, if i had time to listen to it, i'd hear it singing lonesome songs... i enjoy the life living moment to moment, the fun of the the games (softball, board, numbers, and so on), the challenges at work, all fun for me... and staying so busy i don't have time to listen or feel what is missing much (focus on and appreciate what is not what is not... that is the key to a happy healthy life) keeps me genuinely happy because i am happy within myself with myself... there is still a hunger to share that is not being fed, a desire to love and be loved that is not being fulfilled, and that is why, late at night, after the blog is over, my heart sings lonesome songs...

luckily i love most of those songs :}

sometimes a rhyme

after the blog is over
after the fun is gone
i'm left alone with my reason
one dream lets me carry on
sharing the time together
after the world goes to sleep
someone will someday be here
that is the promise i keep

after the blog is over
when all the writing is done
i am still ready for sharing
i am still ready for fun
until someone arrives here
i'll just enjoy life myself
and leave a dream in the afterblog
just one more rhyme on my shelf

alone

here i sit so all alone
with no one to talk to and no one to phone
i'll search to find, for there must be
someone as lonely just looking for me