and i am still here

and you are still there... sleeping no doubt, or sitting in silence... looking at the hour, when sleep covers most of the western hemisphere, i sit awake wondering why... why we do the things we do... why a child blows up another child... why a man soils his nest... why a woman helps him do it... why a leader does not give peace a chance... why a government for the people allows most of the people to fall farther and farther into debt-slavery... why a people allow the government to stand when it is so immersed in supporting a corporate world that it chews up and spits out a people... why self-destruction is so clearly the human way and why so many people would rather stick their heads in the sand and take it up the ass than face this fact... why we bother continuing to have children when we are destroying the world we leave them... why we empower fear over love...

and we still say... sweet dreams...

what's going on?

here we sit so all alone, well, i sit, you sleep... unless you are awake and if you are awake, what's going on?... what are you doing?... are your hands too busy to type and tell me? (do i want to know what your hands are doing?... take a picture if you dare lol)... some nights i just want to play and i shall play with words and imaginary friends (or imaginary readers) when nobody stays awake with me (peter?... john?... james?... oh shaddup lol)... it is now, after the blogging is over (realatively speaking cuz it's never actually over until it's over, as lenny kravitz might have said, but each day, or sleep cycle at least, there is some sort of illusion of conclusion and then, here we are, so there), and i really really really want to know (oh oh), what's going on?...

every night

i am here every night though i don't always write cuz sometimes (or maybe most) i believe nobody cares and maybe that is justified because there's no one by my side so why not give up the ghost on sharing when nobody shares la la la la la la la la la la la... don't be depressed, it's only lonely... you might even know someone who cares... don't be upset, it's only lonely... you might even be someone who shares... but here we are again after the blogging stops in the middle of the night when sleep's other shoe drops... and wishes do not wake anyone so i am here... every night... even when i don't appear to be... here... every night... only lonely...

your loss

yeah, talking 'bout more words 'n stuff, yup, gotcha some more out there and you missed again, cuz, after all, you missed this one (duh, obviously, as if you cared {enough}, yo... truth, word. hey, right, like could've been mean, aye? :)

no seriously, your loss...

not all loneliness

but a whole lot of the reason for the afterblog is to respect the hunger, the desire, the passion for sharing that keeps me awake when all others fall alseep... as if the 'regular' blogs are read regularly and there is sharing regularly, the lament of will no one stay awake with me seems so noble or poetic or dramatic or something... but the sad fact is i am alone before during and after blogging... cuz nobody loves the written word as i do... and nobody wants to share as i do... and nobody is here as i am... at least not near enough to notice... so i blog on the hope it might happen... and i afterblog on the hope it will happen again...

cuz i don't want to miss a thing...

the long wait alone

that's the rub, after all, for all the brain produces in the words on the web here, there, and virtually everywhere, for whatever it's all worth, the long wait alone endures...

i hope you are loved tonight by someone outside of yourself...

pondering after

the last entry (if it's still the last entry, the first date of this month, if that's still the only entry date stamped with that date) has me thinking about it...

kind of the way it had me thinking about the one before, if that one is still the one before...

what?... you think just cuz it's late that this will always be profound?... you'll never know unless you appear here in physical time and space (and yes, there is, no matter what bloggers might write)... no, just hopeful...

hope you remain hopeful too...

no pity in reality

while is may seem pitiful that i am out here every day, every night, all the time connected to this commitment to share myself, life, observations, illusions, creative play, and everything and anything in words and no one actually shares, the words appear to fall on deaf ears, there is no pity in reality for i am true to myself, my ideals, my dreams, and my desires... this is the best i can do alone and that is a personal nirvana, a joy, a pleasure to experience... after all the blogging is done, keep the faith, i am :)

between the blinds

and the day that we find
we can share in our minds
the grand stand undefined
of the heart unconfined
in the body divined
as the seconds unwind
past the fear so refined
that it has reason resigned
to accept being blind
and the death of the mind
waiting staid and misaligned
for the day that we find
we can share in our minds

sometimes a rhyme

after the blog is over
after the fun is gone
i'm left alone with my reason
one dream lets me carry on
sharing the time together
after the world goes to sleep
someone will someday be here
that is the promise i keep

after the blog is over
when all the writing is done
i am still ready for sharing
i am still ready for fun
until someone arrives here
i'll just enjoy life myself
and leave a dream in the afterblog
just one more rhyme on my shelf

in the silence

live the secrets

counting the zeros

often i am told how much my words mean to the world, to people i have never met or may never meet, to people who will read the words in some future time...

and i wonder how that is possible when 90% of what i write is ignored or missed and 90% of the other 10% is left without response... and those i once thought close drift off and out of touch...

counting the zeros in front of the word comments...

plans for sleep

plans for sleep do not a rest make... ah, just when i thought i was going to nod off and sleep well and wake early for the gym, i find myself still tapping the keys past midnight as some words inspired me to way and start tying... that was about five hours ago... abd yet, as llonely as it can bem this form of expression is still one of the best substitutes for true real time sharing i know... me and the words, forever sharing, now and in the afterblog...

why

it does not matter when i blog, there will always be an afterblog, as long as i am alone in time and space...

latent consistency

if, in the end, i came here every night after everything else and wrote something meaningful, something profound, or even just something that i wanted to share, innocuous, personal, general, specific, serious, irreverence, nonsense, or whatever... something just for you, just before bed, just the curl up nod off sweet dreams thoughts that i leave in the custody of your arms as i sleep...

would it matter in the end if you missed an entry?

on into the night

with or without accompanyment.