yeah, here again

it is not easy to keep wanting after all this time, to still be feeling the loneliness and hunger when time can numb the ache of wanting... but somehow, after the daily blogging there is still euphoria, there is still the sense of sharing and sometimes, a lonely sense of not sharing enough, especially when i want feedback, response, interaction, acknowledgement of me and my existence... the hunger lives... but the world goes to bed and i remain waiting, wanting, wishing for someone to care and share be here now...

cuz i want more

i can be sad about the lack of sharing when i want more but then i don't like being sad so i choose not to be sad and it as simple as that when i don't forget i have a choice... there were times when i thought maybe that being sad would help me find someone to share so i nurtured the blues and loneliness much more than i do now and maybe wrote a song or two that would be loved by others even sadder than me and yet... it did not help me find anyone to share more with cuz i want more...

where are you tonight?

so sad

this blog can be so sad... just sitting here waiting for someone to share, for someone to care, for someone to be aware that i'm here, just sitting here waiting for someone to... appear... imagine if i returned every night and faced the loneliness underlying this blog, sheesh, what a depression this hole would become... and yet, in the fact that i survive between entries without losing grip on the desire, the hunger, or the optimism - therein is the beauty and wonder and excitement that comes from this occasional expression of frustration and hope that is the afterblog...

staring into space

some nights are like that, or this, perhaps, just staring into space with so much on my mind that nothing comes to the surface beyond a quiet complacency, a peaceful acceptance of what is as it is and nothing more (except for the all the other stuff swimming through the mind)... maybe it's something tomorrow might explain better, or music, for that matter (talk about opening windows)...

i wish you peace tonight...

alone

here i sit
so all alone
no one to talk to
no one to phone
i'll search to find
for there must be
someone as lonely
looking for me

don't want to miss a thing

Every night i am all about the Aerosmith song Don't Want to Miss a Thing" with one thing missing...

there is no one around to watch breathing.

so i stay awake hoping she might show up...

not dead yet

more precisely, i am not done yet, not tonight, not in life, not anywhere or anytime... i have more to do, more to learn, more to give, more to share, more dreams to fulfill... and every day i fulfill the big one, enjoying life, and every day is better than the last because it is another day compiled on all the others... but here in the afterblog, i wait for the one who will share the dream that is sharing the love only two can share... that may be the ultimate reason for the afterblog, to be, after all the other blogs have rested and all the other readers have gone to sleep, a place for the last call for the shared dream...

after sad

often sad in the afterblog, perhaps, as i feel the longing to share more and no one stays awake with me (as that garden song place once again in the rivers of my mind, or should i say those garden songs and references, gibran, nelson, rice, at least), the truest nature of the afterblog may not show through as i do not come to express it nightly and in seldom visiting, the sadness may rise at those dispersed moments... but here, in the afterblog, i find i leave after sadness as i am happy within myself even if no one else every knows or gets it...

you're still welcome and wanted though :)

it never ends

it only dies... or we do, eventually, at least that is life as we know it today and here, in the afterblog, i hope for one last chance to share a moment of meaning and if luck is right, true love...

it never ends...

it's waiting here, in the afterblog, for you...

silly humans

the bestest most funnest fun happens after all the other blogs are done, here, in the afterblog, hidden from view (because words are not enough), you might find out (if you stay awake long enough :)

promise

after all the words are written, after all the blogs are closed, after all the people have gone to bed, cloased their eyes, fallen asleep, there is still one last promise left to keep...

that is why...

loving it

the wonder of being, especially in the night... and while much of the time i wish for someone to share the moments, wishing or not for company, the moments are amazing and wonderful... if you only knew... you'd be amazed too :)

fades into the past

it is pretty amazing how quickly the most magical moment of our lives fades into the past, sometimes not so pretty... and i wonder if that is because those moments are no longer shared, or not shared enough, or simply is it that they lose their energy...

i want to believe that it's the sharing, that if the moment is shared, it lasts... somehow i hope to find someone who shares like that :)

pausing never ends

somewhere in the spring, june or july or thereabouts, i paused in the posting of words online and while i catch up every time (so far, at least), it brings up the irony of the title concept...

what else is there to do, after all, alone after the blog...

nobody

that is who is here after the blogging is done... during the blogging, at least there is the illusion of sharing because i imagine real people out there reading the words, caring about the mundane details of the life i live as only friends do... and then, after the blogging is over, here we are...

no pity in reality

while is may seem pitiful that i am out here every day, every night, all the time connected to this commitment to share myself, life, observations, illusions, creative play, and everything and anything in words and no one actually shares, the words appear to fall on deaf ears, there is no pity in reality for i am true to myself, my ideals, my dreams, and my desires... this is the best i can do alone and that is a personal nirvana, a joy, a pleasure to experience... after all the blogging is done, keep the faith, i am :)

between the blinds

and the day that we find
we can share in our minds
the grand stand undefined
of the heart unconfined
in the body divined
as the seconds unwind
past the fear so refined
that it has reason resigned
to accept being blind
and the death of the mind
waiting staid and misaligned
for the day that we find
we can share in our minds

sometimes a rhyme

after the blog is over
after the fun is gone
i'm left alone with my reason
one dream lets me carry on
sharing the time together
after the world goes to sleep
someone will someday be here
that is the promise i keep

after the blog is over
when all the writing is done
i am still ready for sharing
i am still ready for fun
until someone arrives here
i'll just enjoy life myself
and leave a dream in the afterblog
just one more rhyme on my shelf

alone

here i sit so all alone
with no one to talk to and no one to phone
i'll search to find, for there must be
someone as lonely just looking for me

this is where i wait

you know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming?...

this is where i wait for you.